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Ships within 48 hours · Estimated delivery Aug 8 - Aug 13
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Description
The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes)A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realms most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier. Whats mine stays mine. Step One: Kidnap someone cute. Step Two: Force her into marriage. Step Three: Try not to catch feelings. When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets
A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realm’s most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier.“What’s mine stays mine.”
Step One: Kidnap someone cute.
Step Two: Force her into marriage.
Step Three: Try not to catch feelings.
When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets is a knife to the throat and a furious woman with demands of her own. He may need her heroic bloodline to achieve ultimate dominion, but she’s not about to make this easy for him.
Arabella has already survived her father’s tower prison and a lifetime of being treated like property. Getting abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday. If she must be married to the infuriating (and infuriatingly attractive) Dark Lord, she’ll do it on her terms: freedom within his fortress, hands strictly to himself, and complete honesty about his plans.
But when those plans go awry, Kazimir faces his most terrifying challenge yet: he must date his own wife. Between magical training sessions, playing golf with the eyeballs of his enemies, and aphrodisiac dinners gone spectacularly wrong, his attempts at villainous seduction are failing at every turn.
As Kazimir and Arabella navigate magical explosions and jealous exes, they discover a far more terrifying prospect than war or magical catastrophe: They might actually be falling for each other.
This dark and sexy fantasy romance is perfect for readers who love: a morally gray antihero (who stays that way); a strong heroine who embraces her dark side (she doesn’t need rescuing, thanks); touch her and die trope; hilarious, wicked banter and sizzling spice; one bed/forced proximity; kidnapped bride/forced marriage; and dark humor.
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4.8 ★★★★★
Based on 6 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
My dog loves it
My 70 lb 1 year old dog plays his own soccer with this toy and he loves making it squeek but he is a toy destroyer and so far this has held up pretty well. It's made of a soft material so I don't have to worry about it harming his teeth. It's easy to clean. It can be used in the house or outside for fetch. It is unpredictable at times with its bouncing which makes it more interesting for my dog to chase after. This is his favorite toy and carries it everywhere including to bed.
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Reviewed in the United States on September 23, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Durable Enough for Strong Jaws
I’ve gone through many toys that my dog destroys in minutes. This one has held up way better. The material feels tough, yet safe for chewing. I use it both indoors and outside, and it’s easy to rinse off when dirty. It’s been a relief to find something that can last longer in daily play.
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Reviewed in the United States on September 23, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Durable Toy for Active Dogs
This ball is strong enough to handle daily play while keeping dogs entertained. It provides stimulation that helps reduce boredom and restlessness. The material feels tough but safe for dogs, and the interactive design makes it more exciting than a regular ball. It’s also lightweight enough for indoor or outdoor use. A smart choice for pet owners looking to keep dogs occupied.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 13, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Bright, easy to clean toy
This ball is a fun little addition for my big dog. The bright blue color really helps, it is easy to spot under the sofa or behind furniture. The outer shell feels durable, not soft rubber but springy enough to handle his chewing without marks. When switched on, it rolls around by itself and makes my dog chase it all over the living room, which is a good way to burn his energy on rainy days. The internal switch is hidden, which I like because my dog cannot open it with his teeth. It is simple to turn on and off, and so far, the movement works as described. The texture also resists hair sticking, and I can rinse it under water, and it looks clean again in seconds. For the price, it serves its purpose and gives my dog a short burst of excitement each day.
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Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Fun and Tough Interactive Toy for My Big Dog
This interactive dog ball has been a great addition for my large dog. The ball’s material is very durable and holds up well even with heavy chewing. My dog usually destroys toys within days, but this one has lasted weeks and still looks great. The automatic play modes keep him active and entertained, especially when I’m busy. He loves chasing it both indoors and outdoors, and it helps release his energy. The battery life is decent, and the operation is simple. Overall, it’s a fun, sturdy, and smart toy that really keeps my dog busy and happy
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Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2025
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